http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=jL3qGDJwj68
The Final Draft
"Gopher Broke" is a comedy movie. A gopher is very hungry.He see a famers maket sign. Suddenly, he has an idea. He makes a hole and he also hopes that some food will fall down. At that time, some animals also want to eat food. Therefore, it starts a fighting war. It is a funny movie because there are many funny actions. Hope you will enjoy it.
The First Draft
"Gopher Broke" is a comedy movie. A gopher see a famers maket sign. He is very hungry, suddenly, he has an idea. He makes a hole. He hopes that some food will fall down. At that time, some animals also want to eat food. So, it starts a fighting war. It is a funny movie because there are many funny actions. Hope you will enjoy it.
Time:30minutes
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Could you please add the address movie ? I want to enjoy it. Do you think it is too short ? Is it a paragraph or an essay ?
ReplyDeleteCONTENT
You should write more about the movie. So everybody can understand the whole movie.
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
You have some mistakes, but it is ok ! Because we are on the first time to make the blog.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi wendy,
ReplyDelete;-)
CONTENT:-
- I agree with Mimi in your short paragraph that affected in your introduction and a topic.
- i think you mentioned alot of details that the readers wouldn't want to know about it.
- Also you have a short Conclusion.
COHESIVENESS:-
- It's hard to fellow what you worte, because there are jumping between the sentences like "He see a famers maket sign. Suddenly, he has an idea."
- you have incomplete sentence as "He makes a hole and he also hopes that some food will fall down". so i think it suposed to be "it made small holes in the street for track that carried vegetables."
GRAMMAR AND VOCBULARY:-
- you should revise " famers maket".
thank you for your post.