Once upon a time, there was a boy whose name is John. One day, he broke a cup which is his father favorite cup. When his father discovered his favorite cup is broken, John said it is Kathy which the cat's name did. This time appeared a little monster to follow him. Began, the little monster made friend with John and told John to do bad things. John lied to his teacher, he said," My grandmother was sick and I needed to take care of her, so I didn't have time to write homeworks." Also, he borrowed games from his friends, but he didn't return them, because he wanted to keep them.
Little by little, the little monster became to a big rude monster. The big monster has enough power and it began to destroy his hometown. John couldn't believe that the big monster is made from him. He couldn't control the big monster. Even the big monster caught John and wanted to eat him. He felt scare and he was afraid of telling the truth, but he knew no body could kill the big monster only himself.
Therefore, he decided to tell the truth. Suddenly, the big monster immediately became a small one. It was smaller than before. And then the monster was disappear. Everybody clapped to John and forgave his mistakes. He overcame his fear and did a perfect job. After this, John always be honest and a good student.
Time:2 hours
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CONTENT
ReplyDeleteIt is fine.
COHESIVENESS
Is there any relationship between "Even the big monster caught John and wanted to eat him." and "........and he was afraid of telling the truth,......".
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
In the second sentence of the second paragraph, should write "had" instead of "has".
CONTENT
ReplyDeleteThe story is very instructive. It told that the people should be honest in every event.
COHESIVENESS
I think it wil be better if you add events of John deciding to tell the truth and people forgiving him to the second paragraph. In conclusion, the third paragraph, you could tell people your opinion of the story.
GRAMMER AND VOCABULARY
1. Pay attention to your tense
When his father discovered his favorite cup is (was) broken, John said it is(was) Kathy which the cat's name did(done).
2. Countable Noun and Uncountable Noun
My grandmother was sick and I needed to take care of her, so I didn't have time to write homeworks(homework).
3. Fragment problem
Began(In the begining), the little monster made friend with John and told John to do bad things.
4. The usage of link verbs
He felt scare (scared) and he was afraid of telling the truth, but he knew no body could kill the big monster only himself.